note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
