turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
