im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
