I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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