Who wears a wallet chain?!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
