Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize