You can't special order awesome
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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