I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
