So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
