After last night, I could never be a politician.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
