So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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