that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize