im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
