Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My bed smells like the plague
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
