Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
