Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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