just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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