Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
