Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
