i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
