I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
