Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
