New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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