Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
