Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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