Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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