Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I didn't shave. On purpose
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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