Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize