Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
