she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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