I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I love you. Go after that dick
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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