If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
