He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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