Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
