Who did Billy Mays play for?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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