Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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