i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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