worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize