I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
