He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We're using joints as your birthday candles
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
