Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
