Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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