handjob tips. give me some.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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