is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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