thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
