I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
