HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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