are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
