I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
