I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
