My friends, they love my intelligence
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
