We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
