so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
