call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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