Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
