if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize