In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
