So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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