my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
