Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
