he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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