your thong is hanging out like whoa
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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