you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
