Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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