I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
