i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
