can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He felt like a one man threesome
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
