she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
