She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
