the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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