Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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