his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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